Umm apparently I drank this tea once already!
But really I’m here because I told a guy via text I wasn’t interested in dating. After more conversation he eventually asked What counts as a date? And what’s just hanging out?
He’s 15+ yrs younger than me.
I’m 41 and antisocial. Idek what to say. And I’m not crazy enough to google this crap.
I’m not interested in intimacy. Is it even possible to just be friends with ppl?
I really wanna be friends, but is that just naive of me.
I’m bummed and need advice. So bummed.
Thanks for being the only place I feel comfortable enough to post! Steepster will always be special.
People who liked this
Comments
I have to say I don’t know what counts as dating any more. It’s very generational, it seems. My 13 year old thinks it means snapchatting and going for pizza after school, and maybe Facetiming. Maybe it’s better not to use any terms and just say happy to be friends but not interested in anything romantic or physical?
Omg I’m seriously glad I asked because that definition of dating is a keeper! Hilarious! I love it so much. And laughing really helped my mood instantly.
I don’t purport to know what dating is. I have been married for 31 years and my husband and I never actually dated. We met and then just…hung out. Listened to music. Played guitar and sang, and then got married eight months later. But what troubles me is that it sounds like this person may have been persistent enough to make you uncomfortable, and that’s not cool. He is pretty young, so maybe he didn’t mean to be that way, and maybe I don’t know enough about what was said and it wasn’t really that way at all. But if he did pressure you and make you uncomfortable, he might be looking out for only what he wants, and not being considerate of you. And we here on Steepster stick up for our won! Go with your gut instinct on whether to “hang out” with him because the pressure might continue, but I do think SOME people can just be friends. Others don’t get boundaries!
own not won!
You guise are really making my night! Thank you! I don’t think he’s being pushy. He’s actually being very normal which is why I didn’t think it was going there. I’m just THAT awkward. On top of which I’m WAY out of my depth. I value your perspective. Your comment helps me to ask myself more questions!
I kinda think dating and hanging out can be the exact same activities….it’s more about the expectation of those involved. Ie. going to the movie with a friend, going to the movie with someone you’ve got romantic feelings for. If he’s truly ok with being friends then you should be able to do whatever…. it if he’s just hoping to hang out in the hopes that something more will come of it….blah. I’m pretty anti social as well, so I value the time I spend with others a lot.
you guise are Great. so great.
also, you might find this as hilarious as i do.
but his text today simply said “We should go with my two goth girls. They are married and your age. Theyre the ones with the passes haha“
i laughed at myself so hard.
and now this ex-dance-major is REALLY looking forward to dancing!!
the club is private so we need passes which is one reason why i’ve never been.
I have to say I don’t know what counts as dating any more. It’s very generational, it seems. My 13 year old thinks it means snapchatting and going for pizza after school, and maybe Facetiming. Maybe it’s better not to use any terms and just say happy to be friends but not interested in anything romantic or physical?
Omg I’m seriously glad I asked because that definition of dating is a keeper! Hilarious! I love it so much. And laughing really helped my mood instantly.
I don’t purport to know what dating is. I have been married for 31 years and my husband and I never actually dated. We met and then just…hung out. Listened to music. Played guitar and sang, and then got married eight months later. But what troubles me is that it sounds like this person may have been persistent enough to make you uncomfortable, and that’s not cool. He is pretty young, so maybe he didn’t mean to be that way, and maybe I don’t know enough about what was said and it wasn’t really that way at all. But if he did pressure you and make you uncomfortable, he might be looking out for only what he wants, and not being considerate of you. And we here on Steepster stick up for our won! Go with your gut instinct on whether to “hang out” with him because the pressure might continue, but I do think SOME people can just be friends. Others don’t get boundaries!
own not won!
You guise are really making my night! Thank you! I don’t think he’s being pushy. He’s actually being very normal which is why I didn’t think it was going there. I’m just THAT awkward. On top of which I’m WAY out of my depth. I value your perspective. Your comment helps me to ask myself more questions!
I kinda think dating and hanging out can be the exact same activities….it’s more about the expectation of those involved. Ie. going to the movie with a friend, going to the movie with someone you’ve got romantic feelings for. If he’s truly ok with being friends then you should be able to do whatever…. it if he’s just hoping to hang out in the hopes that something more will come of it….blah. I’m pretty anti social as well, so I value the time I spend with others a lot.
you guise are Great. so great.
also, you might find this as hilarious as i do.
but his text today simply said “We should go with my two goth girls. They are married and your age. Theyre the ones with the passes haha“
i laughed at myself so hard.
and now this ex-dance-major is REALLY looking forward to dancing!!
the club is private so we need passes which is one reason why i’ve never been.